Read Chapter 2
Chapter 4 reprinted from "Writing
Better Lyrics" by Pat Pattison.
Copyright 1995 by Pat Pattison.
Used on Jeff Mallett's Songwriter Site by permission.
Chapter Four
The PBS documentary scene: a black puppy scampers across the lawn chasing a butterfly when, plop, she drops limp on her side, fast asleep. Moments later she's up and romping. Then again, plop. "Narcolepsy," intones the narrator, "can strike its victim at any time. She'll sleep a few minutes then get up and move on, unaware that anything happened. Scientists cite a variety of possible causes."
The documentary fails to mention the radio playing in the background. Watch and listen closely -- the puppy topples over at the lines "You gotta take a chance / If you want a true romance." She sleeps until the song finishes, then gets up chasing her tail until she hears "Take my hand/ Let me know you understand." Plop. I may not be the New England Journal of Medicine, but I know why the puppy is falling asleep: clichés. Cliché phrases. Cliché rhymes. Cliché images. Cliché metaphors. These viruses infect songs, television, movies, and commercials, not to mention everyday conversations. And if clichés can put puppies to sleep, think what they'll do to people who listen to your songs.
Clichés have been worn smooth by overuse. They no longer mean what they used to. Strong as a bull, eats like a horse, their ship came in, no longer evoke vivid images of bulls, horses and ships. Overuse has made them generic. They suffer from the same malady that infects all generic language: they don't show -- they can only tell. How ya doin'? What's up? How's it goin? are interchangeable. So are Break my heart. Cut me deep. Hurt me bad. Your job as a writer isn't to point to a generic territory where images could be, but to go there, get one, and show it to your listeners. Clichés don't pump gasoline anymore.
Songs should be universal, but don't mistake universal for generic. Sense-bound is universal. When you stimulate your listeners' senses, they pick pictures from their own personal sense files. When you use generic language, they fall asleep. There's a difference between this,
1. Noise and confusion, there's no peace In the hustle and bustle of city streets It's time to get away from it all Deep inside I hear nature's call
and this from Yeats:
2. I will arise and go now... I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore While I stand on the roadway, or the pavements gray, I hear it in the deep heart's core.
Both express roughly the same sentiment, but the first, cliché and generic as it is, can only point to territories of meaning. Yeats takes you there.
Clichés are prefabricated. You can string them together as easily as a guitarist strings his favorite licks into a solo. (2 Claptons + 1 Hendrix + 3 Pages + 1 Stevie Ray... etc.) The problem is, it isn't his solo. Using other peoples' licks is an excellent way to learn, but there is a next step -- finding your own way of saying it. Clichés are other peoples' licks. They don't come from your emotions.
Look at the sample lists of clichés below. They're all familiar -- maybe uncomfortably familiar.
| (way down) deep inside | touch my (very) soul | take my hand |
| hand in hand | heart to heart | eye to eye |
| face to face | side by side | in and out |
| back and forth | up and down | by my side |
| walk out (that) door | we've just begun | hurts so bad |
| feel the pain | can't stand the pain | can't take it |
| gotta take a chance | give me half a chance | last chance |
| take your time | such a long time | night and day |
| the rest of time | all night long | the test of time |
| end of time | rest of my life | someone like you |
| no one like you | no one can take your place | all my love |
| say you'll be mine | losing sleep | lonely nights |
| how it used to be | made up my mind | I'll get along |
| it's gonna be all right | get down on my knees | calling out your name |
| set me free | end it all | more than friends |
| work it out | had your fun | fooling around |
| true to you | done you wrong | heaven above |
| kiss your lips | back to me | break these chains |
| falling apart | make you stay | take it easy |
| taken for granted | asking too much | can't live without you |
| lost without you | no tomorrow | somebody else |
| safe and warm | give you my heart | break my heart |
| broken heart | aching heart | try one more time |
| all we've been through | want you/need you/love you | can't go on |
| end of the line | hold on | keep holding on |
| always be true | never let you (me) go | now or never |
| pay the price | rise above | over the hill |
| right or wrong | all we've done | all we've been through |
| what we're fighting for | worth fighting for | know for sure |
| you know it's true | nothing to lose | hold me tight |
| hold me close | losing sleep | tear me apart |
| forget my foolish pride | treat me like a fool | play the game |
| drive me crazy | going insane | see the light |
| all my dreams come true | rhyme or reason | O baby |
Clichés come effortlessly. It's no sweat to string them together and feel like you've said something.
She sits alone all day long The hours pass her by Every minute like the last A prisoner of time
It does say something, just nothing startling. It doesn't yank you by the hair into her room. No humming fluorescent lights. No faded lace curtains. You get to nap securely at a distance, untouched, uninvolved. Getting to the good stuff is harder work. Though clichés are great in a first or second draft as place markers for something better, don't ever mistake them for the real thing.
She's wheeled into the hallway Till the sun moves down the floor Little squares of daylight Like a hundred times before
When you hear one of these, no need lose sleep wondering what's coming next. Plop. Nap time.
| hand/understand/command | eyes/realize/sighs/lies |
| walk/talk | fire/desire/higher |
| kiss/miss | burn/yearn/learn |
| dance/chance/romance | forever/together/never |
| friend/end | ache/break |
| cry/die/try/lie/good-bye/deny | tears/fears |
| best/rest/test | door/before/more |
| love/above/dove | heart/start/apart/part |
| hide/inside/denied | wrong/strong/song/long |
| touch/much | word/heard |
| arms/charms/harm/warm | begun/done |
| blues/lose | true/blue/through |
| lover/discover/cover | pain/rain/same |
| light/night/sight/tight/fight/right | touch/much |
| take it/make it/fake it/shake it | maybe/baby |
| change/rearrange | knees/please |
| stronger/longer |
Most cliché rhymes are Perfect Rhymes, a good reason to stretch into other rhyme types -- Family Rhyme, Additive and Subtractive Rhyme, and even Assonance Rhyme. These imperfect rhyme types are guaranteed fresh, and most listeners won't notice the difference.
These have been aired out so much they are mere whiffs of their former selves:
| lips | eyes | smile | hands |
| face | hair | silky hair | voice |
| soft (smooth) skin | warmth of arms | kiss | moon |
| stars | sky | light | sun going down |
| night | shadow | bed | lying in bed |
| tears | crying | knock | door |
| lock | key | door | wall |
| cuts like a knife | chains | flowers | rose |
| perfume | glass of wine | fireplace | telephone |
| feel the beat | sweat | flashing lights | dance floor |
The best cure for cliché images is to dive into your own sense pool and discover images that communicate your feelings. What did your lover say? Where were you? What kind of car? What was the texture of the upholstery in the back seat?... You get the idea.
Check out Making Metaphors. There's no reason to keep sleepwalking in these yellow fogs.
Storm for anger, including thunder, lightning, dark clouds, flashing, wind, hurricane, tornado etc. Fire for love or passion, including burn, spark, heat, flame, too hot, consumed, burned, ashes. Cold for emotional indifference, including ice, freeze, frozen etc. Light for knowledge or happiness, including shine, sun, touch the sky blinded by love, and others too numerous to mention. Darkness for ignorance, sadness and loneliness, including night, blind, shadows, etc. Rain for tears. Seasons for stages of life or relationships. Walls for protection from harm, especially from love. Drown in love. Broken heart. Prison, Prisoner used especially for love, includes chains etc.
I've listed enough clichés keep whole herds of puppies asleep for decades. If you have a barking dog in the neighborhood, instead of yelling try reading aloud from these lists in its general direction...
In some cases, you can use a cliché to your advantage. Put it in a context that brings out its original meaning or makes us see it in a new way. For example, I'll be seeing you, as a cliché, is a substitute for so long or good-bye. When Sammy Fain and Irving Kahal set it up, it's brand new:
I'll be seeing you In all the old familiar places... I'll be looking at the stars But I'll be seeing you
It implies good-bye, but only as an overtone of the primary meaning. The result is a combination: after we say good-bye, I'll see you everywhere.
David Wilcox slants it's all downhill from here to his advantage in Top of the Roller Coaster with this set-up:
Say good-bye to your twenties Tomorrow is the big Three-O For your birthday present I've got a place where we can go It's a lesson in motion We'll ride the wildest ride We're going to climb to the top of the roller coaster And look down the other side Let me ride in the front car You ride right behind And I'll click my snapshot camera At exactly the right time I'll shoot back over my shoulder Catch the fear no one can hide When we tip the top of the roller coaster And look down the other side Over the hill So when the prints come back We can look at that unmistakable birthday fear Like your younger days are over now And it's all down hill from here
He also gets a new look at over the hill and tip top while he's at it. Neat.
Without a terrific set-up, duck whenever you see a cliché. They come easy and from all directions, so it's hard not to be infected. Your own senses and experiences are your best protection. So is brutal and resolute rewriting. I don't mean to sound revolutionary, but you might also try a diet of good literature and poetry. You are what you eat.
For fun, try these two experiments: first, come up with your own lists of clichés, at least as long as mine. (It won't be hard.) Second, string some of yours and mine together into a verse-chorus-verse-chorus lyric, making sure nothing original sneaks in.
Knowledge brings responsibility. Now that you know the fundamental cause of puppy narcolepsy, you have a special responsibility to keep your writing sense-bound and original. No one likes a person who puts puppies to sleep.
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